12th House

I’d like to have empathic intuitive psychic abilities recognized as a condition in the workplace. I’ve been labled as a “purist” and “seemingly negative” on a job performance review for the last time. I have to take measures to defend my emotional space. I can be in a meeting at work and feel vibes from a colleague about how he was abused by his Dad as a child. It’s not social to pick up on everyone’s repressed memories or “secret” emotional turmoil. Its hard to keep track of things happening on multiple layers, to keep my distance, to engage with the task, not the feelings. I don’t judge people for their feelings. I feel people’s feelings and its easy to get flooded and blamed for labeled as “having an attitude” for knowing things.

I have to be myself because I exist. I have a right to earn a living, the right to not be made fun of for being spooky, the right to be the way I was made. I’m not my own maker. Thank God I don’t live in a society that hangs witches in the townsquare like the old days. I really need to get over being afraid of myself. Public executions suck, they’re generally not around, so now should be like party time for empowered people, right?

I expect to be questioned and tested over my skills and needs. It hurts to be blamed for trying to change people when I talk to them about things they’re uncomfortable feeling. It has happened to me so many times, I’m kind of tired of trying to engage and being called “spooky” in one way or another. Its hard to find people who can laugh at emotions instead of defending or guarding them as if emotions are the same as people. Its hard not to get mythologized by my own experiences and stay grounded as a human being. I’m just another animal.

It really hit me that so many ongoing blocks in my life exist because I’m not making enough space for my own sensitivities. And my sensitivies are increasing all the time. I realized I can feel houses. I was talking to a friend on the phone and I could feel her kitchen table giving her house indigestion. How am I supposed to sell that as a skill? I can’t handle crowds, dating, news, or politics, but I can feel people’s houses remotely. WTF?