12th House

I don’t understand all the focus on pair bonding. Certainly in the last few years, my ideas about romance and love changed. But now, I don’t get the importance of having a significant other (emphasis on the singular). I mean, I get it. But I don’t. Why is the “couple” status as such an important aspect of our identity? Have we, socially, collectively, replaced our tribal identity with our romantic identity? Its seems like bad economics to me. Humans are social. Groups, societies, that’s how we evolve. But pair bonds? It takes a village to raise a child and all that. Community support matters. And I think the importance of relating to one another – regardless of sex/$ – gets lost under the weight of fantastical romantic ideas.

Gay/straight/bi whatever –  it seems to me so archaic to define yourself by sexual experiences. But, more than that, it seems archaic to define sexuality as an economic or indicator or romance as a way of making a tribe of two. And that’s what couples seem to very often slip into. An economic powerhouse. The building blocks of the economy. A solidified “we” outside the larger society. First comes love, then comes the single family home and two cars.

I’m not feeling cynical about it. Just feeling kind of alien because so much energy in our society is spent trying to help a person find “the one.” I think it’s absurd. Love is a feeling and, as such, it is everywhere at any time. And sex – sex is a team sport. Sex is a way to get groups to cooperate and feel good about each other. Sex doesn’t have to be one-on-one. It’s an activity.

These days, my sexual fantasies revolve around men having sex with each other. Pornceptual is my favorite tumblr stream. “Gay” men are never what I was taught was a turn-on – they’re unnatural, eh? – but there it is. I like seeing men as being able to take care of each other. It’s nice to feel like I am not responsible for meeting their sexual needs. It’s nice to think of sex as a fun activity that isn’t aimed at a particular goal or product. It’s nice to have group support in case someone gets tired or stuck. It’s nice to feel like, as a group, we can make our way through this – whatever this is.

Anyway, its not like that fantasy or current preference is WHAT I AM. I haven’t had sex or pair bonding in years. But that’s what I like to imagine. And that’s how I feel now.